What are the biggest myths about divorce?

Author: Holly Atkins, Consultant Family Solicitor | Last updated: 21 July 2026 | Read time: 8 minutes

Most of what people believe about divorce comes from friends, films or a stressful late-night search, not the law itself. In reality, court battles, automatic 50/50 splits and mother-favouring judges are far less common than people assume. We are here to help debunk some common myths and make the process a little easier to understand from the outset.

Key takeaways

• Most divorcing couples reach a financial settlement through negotiation or mediation, without a contested court hearing.
• Child arrangements are decided on what’s best for the child, not on either parent’s gender.
• There’s no automatic 50/50 rule for assets or pensions. The court looks at fairness, need and circumstances instead.
• Both of you are legally required to disclose your finances honestly, and hiding assets carries serious consequences.
• Moving out of the family home doesn’t erase your financial claim on it, though it’s still worth getting advice before you do.

The short answer

Divorce in England and Wales rarely looks like the courtroom drama people picture. Most financial and children matters are resolved by agreement, through solicitor negotiation or mediation, and the law is built around fairness rather than fixed formulas.

The court’s starting point for children is their welfare and best interests, not a parent’s gender. For finances, there’s no default 50/50 split or automatic pension share. Instead, decisions are based on need, contribution and the length of the marriage. Full financial honesty is a legal requirement for both of you, and moving out of the family home doesn’t hand away your rights to it.

The sections below cover each myth in more detail, along with top tips to help if you’re going through a divorce.

Divorce Myth 1: Divorce always means a long, expensive court battle

Court is the exception, not the rule in divorce cases. Most couples settle by agreement, without the need to attend court at all. These agreements are usually reached through solicitor negotiations, mediation, or other forms of dispute resolution.

What helps: Get legal advice early, even if things still feel amicable. Keeping communication with your ex-partner respectful, rather than adversarial, tends to shorten the process and keep costs down.

Divorce Myth 2: Mothers always get custody

This isn’t accurate, and it’s one of the most damaging myths for fathers worried about staying present in their children’s lives. Under the Children Act 1989, the court’s main consideration is the child’s welfare, judged against a set list of factors known as the welfare checklist: the child’s wishes and feelings, their needs, the likely effect of any change, and each parent’s capacity to meet those needs. Gender isn’t one of the factors, and they don’t automatically favour mothers over fathers.

In practice, the court will take into account who looked after the children the most during the marriage, the children’s physical, emotional and educational needs, as well as the children’s wishes and feelings. “Custody” itself is also outdated language; today, the court makes child arrangements orders covering where a child lives and who they spend time with

What helps: Keep communication with your ex-partner child-focused and respectful. Speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your children can affect the court’s view of your co-parenting, as well as your children’s wellbeing.

Divorce Myth 3: Assets are always split 50/50

It is a common misconception that everything must be shared equally. The reality is slightly more complicated, but it also differs in each unique case. For example, a 20-year marriage with children will have a totally different outcome from a 2-year marriage with no children. The ultimate aim is fairness, needs, resources, and circumstances.

The court takes a wide range of factors into account when deciding how best to divide the assets, including: 

• The length of the marriage
• Your ages and health
• Each person’s income and earning capacity
• Your financial needs and obligations
• The standard of living during the marriage
• Contributions each of you made, including non-financial ones like raising children
• Any children’s needs

What helps: Don’t assume a friend’s divorce outcome will look like yours. Every case is different, so treat other people’s outcomes as context instead of a benchmark.

Understand your options

Holly Atkins is a Consultant Family Solicitor at Setfords, specialising in divorce. Get in touch today for a no-obligation conversation.

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Divorce Myth 4: Your spouse automatically gets half your pension

Pensions are often one of the most valuable assets in a marriage and are an important part of any financial settlement. However, there’s no automatic rule that splits them equally. The court can order a pension sharing order, pension offsetting, or pension attachment, and will usually look at your pensions as part of the overall pot of assets rather than in isolation.

What helps: Get your pensions properly valued before agreeing to anything. Think about what matters most to you, whether that’s staying in the family home, a clean break, or long-term financial stability, since the right approach depends on your priorities as much as the numbers.

Divorce Myth 5: If your spouse hides assets, you won’t get anything

This is a common fear, but it’s harder to hide assets than people think. Both of you are under a legal duty to give full and frank financial disclosure, and the court can revisit a settlement later if it turns out that duty wasn’t met. Someone who deliberately conceals assets risks cost penalties, an unfavourable settlement, or the case being reopened once the truth comes out.

What helps: If you suspect your ex-partner is hiding assets, don’t try to investigate it yourself. Raise your concerns with your solicitor early so they can make the right enquiries on your behalf.

Divorce Myth 6: Moving out of the family home means losing your rights

Moving out doesn’t automatically remove your financial interest in the property or your claim on divorce. It can, however, have practical implications, particularly where children are involved, so it’s important to understand your position before you decide.

What helps: Don’t feel pressured to stay in the family home simply because you’re worried about losing your rights. Every family’s circumstances are different. Getting tailored advice can help you make an informed decision that’s right for you and your family, ensuring you are not compromising your position.  

When to speak to a solicitor

It’s worth getting advice from a solicitor if:

• You’re considering divorce and want to know where you stand.
• You and your ex-partner can’t agree on finances or children arrangements, or talks have stalled.
• You suspect your ex-partner isn’t being honest about their income, assets or debts.
• Pensions, a business, property abroad, or other complex assets are involved.
• You’re not sure whether you need a court order to make an agreement enforceable.
• Domestic abuse or safety concerns are part of your situation.

If any of this sounds familiar, a family solicitor can help you understand your next steps.

FAQs

How long does it take to get a consent order once we’ve agreed a settlement?

Once you and your ex-partner agree terms, your solicitor draws up a consent order for the court to approve. Timescales vary by court, but it typically takes a matter of weeks once the paperwork is submitted.

What happens if my ex-partner won’t engage with mediation? 

Mediation isn’t compulsory, only the initial information meeting (MIAM) usually is. If your ex-partner won’t take part, you can still apply to court for a decision, though most people find negotiation or mediation quicker and less stressful where it’s possible.

Can I change a financial agreement later if my circumstances change?

It depends on the type of order. A clean-break consent order is generally final, while some maintenance arrangements can be varied later. Your solicitor can tell you which applies to your situation.

Do I need a solicitor if we’ve already agreed everything ourselves? 

It’s still worth working with a solicitor to get your agreement checked and turned into a consent order. Without one, either of you could bring a financial claim against the other later, even years after the divorce.

What if I’m worried about my safety and can’t attend mediation with my ex-partner?

Domestic abuse is a recognised exception to the mediation requirement, and you don’t have to attend if you don’t feel safe. Tell your solicitor about any safety concerns as early as possible so they can guide you through the right process.

About the author

Holly Atkins is a specialised family lawyer who deals with complex divorce, financial disputes, property and pension disputes and cohabitation matters. She is known for combining clear, strategic advice with a calm and approachable manner, helping clients navigate emotionally and financially challenging situations with confidence.

This article is general information about divorce in England and Wales and is not legal advice. The law and individual circumstances vary, so please speak to a qualified family law solicitor about your situation.

If you’re affected by domestic abuse, you can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, free and in confidence on 0808 2000 247, at any time.