5 things you need to know about child custody (child arrangements) 

When you’re separating or divorcing, it’s only natural to worry about your children. Where will they live? How much time will they spend with each parent? What if you can’t agree? 

The term “child custody” is widely understood, but the reality of how things work in practice might surprise you. The legal system has moved away from the idea of one parent “winning” custody while the other gets limited access, and “child arrangements” is now the preferred term. 

Understanding how child arrangements actually work can help you focus on what really matters and avoid unnecessary conflict. Here are five essential things you need to know if you’re in the middle of a separation or just considering things to come. 

1. “Custody” isn’t a thing anymore 

While still commonly used in informal language, “child custody” is not the official term used by the courts. 

Since the Children Act 1989, the courts in England and Wales don’t award “custody” or “access” anymore. Instead, they focus on “child arrangements,” specifically, where children will live and who they’ll spend time with.

This approach recognises that both parents typically remain important in a child’s life after separation, unless there are safeguarding concerns. The law encourages ongoing relationships with both parents wherever possible and safe.

You might hear terms like: 

• “Lives with” arrangements (where the child’s main home is) 
• “Spends time with” arrangements (contact with the other parent) 
• Shared care (where children split time more equally between both homes) 

This language shift matters because it moves away from the winner-takes-all mentality. Instead of fighting for custody, you’re working out practical arrangements that work in your children’s best interests.

What this means for you: Try not to think in terms of winning or losing custody. Instead, focus on creating arrangements that work for your children.

2. You probably won’t need to go to court 

Did you know? The majority of separating parents reach agreements about their children without ever setting foot in a courtroom.

Courts actively encourage parents to sort out child arrangements between themselves or through mediation. There’s a strong presumption that parents know what’s best for their children and should make decisions together where possible. 

Many families successfully manage arrangements informally or with the help of a solicitor and/or mediator. You agree on where the children live, how holidays are split, how often they see the other parent, and you just get on with it. You can also choose to have your arrangement made legally binding with a consent order, which usually doesn’t require attendance at court. 

Court becomes necessary only when: 

• You genuinely can’t agree despite trying mediation
• There are safety concerns
• One parent is being unreasonable or won’t engage
• You need the court’s authority to make something happen (like preventing a child being taken abroad)

What this means for you: Don’t assume you need a court battle to get what’s right for your children. Most parents find a way to make arrangements work before it gets to this, and your children will benefit enormously from seeing you cooperate.

3. There’s no automatic right to 50/50 time

This might disappoint some parents, but there’s no legal presumption that children’s time should be split equally between parents.

Shared care arrangements (where children spend substantial time with both parents) are increasingly common and can work brilliantly for many families, but courts don’t default to a 50/50 split. Every case is decided based on what’s best for that particular child.

The court considers numerous factors:

• The child’s age and developmental needs
• Each parent’s work schedule and practical ability to care for the children
• Where the children go to school
• The children’s existing routine and relationships
• Each parent’s role before separation
• What the children want (depending on age and maturity)
• The practical distance between the two homes
• Each parent’s ability to meet the children’s emotional and physical needs

For very young children or babies, courts often favour arrangements that maintain stability and consistency, which might mean more time with one parent initially. For older children with established routines, completely uprooting them might not be in their best interests.

That said, courts do recognise that meaningful time with both parents is usually beneficial. The arrangement just needs to be practical and child-focused.

What this means for you: Don’t fixate on spending exactly 50% of the time with your child. Think about what schedule actually works best for their routines, age and needs.

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4. Your children’s views matter 

As children get older, their wishes and feelings carry increasing weight, but they’re never forced to choose between parents.

For younger children (usually under 10), the court will consider their views but will give them less weight than other factors. Young children might say what they think a parent wants to hear, or their preferences might change day-to-day.

For older children and teenagers, courts take their views more seriously. A teenager with strong, well-reasoned preferences will usually be listened to, especially on practical matters like which parent they live with during the school week.

However, children never make the final decision. That’s the court’s job if parents can’t agree. This is a relief for most children, as they don’t want to feel responsible for disappointing a parent or choosing sides.

If your case goes to court, a Cafcass officer (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) will usually speak with your children and report their wishes and feelings to the judge, along with professional recommendations about what’s in the children’s best interests.

What this means for you: Listen to your children, but don’t put them in the middle or ask them to choose. Their views are one piece of the puzzle, not the whole picture.

5. Child arrangements orders are flexible (and can be changed)

If you do end up with a court order about child arrangements, it’s not set in stone forever.

Children’s needs change as they grow. A schedule that worked perfectly for a 5-year-old might not suit a 12-year-old with different friendship groups, activities, and school commitments. Life circumstances change too. Parents move house, change jobs, remarry or have more children.

If you both agree that arrangements need to change, you can simply change them. You don’t usually need to go back to court to get permission. You can vary informal arrangements at any time, and even if you have a court order, you can agree to do things differently between yourselves.

You usually only need to return to court if:

• One parent wants to change the arrangements but the other doesn’t agree
• Someone isn’t following the existing court order
• There’s been a significant change in circumstances that requires court intervention

Courts expect parents to be flexible in responding to their children’s evolving needs. Being rigid about arrangements just because “that’s what the order says” when circumstances have clearly changed doesn’t serve anyone, especially not your children.

What this means for you: Don’t panic if arrangements need to change. It’s usually in your child’s best interest to adapt to their changing needs, not sticking rigidly to a plan made years ago.

Putting children first 

When it comes to child arrangements, the children’s needs and welfare always come first. The priority should be arrangements that serve their emotional, physical, and developmental needs, not what the parent feels entitled to.

The parents who navigate separation most successfully are those who can:

• Communicate civilly about their children
• Put aside their own hurt and anger when making decisions
• Be flexible and child-focused rather than point-scoring
• Recognise that children benefit from positive relationships with both parents 
• Avoid using children as messengers or putting them in the middle

This isn’t always easy, especially when emotions are raw. But the effort you make now to get arrangements right will pay dividends for your children’s wellbeing for years to come.

Need help with child arrangements?

Whether you’re trying to negotiate arrangements with your ex-partner, concerned about your children’s welfare or facing a court application, we can help.

Our experienced family law team understands that behind every case are children who need stability, love, and protection. We can help you:

• Negotiate practical, workable arrangements
• Prepare for and attend mediation
• Apply for or respond to court applications
• Understand your rights and responsibilities as a parent
• Ensure any agreements protect your children’s best interests

Contact us today for a confidential conversation about your situation. Getting the right advice early can help you avoid conflict, reduce stress, and focus on what really matters: your children’s happiness and security.